Master of Disguise
by MuddyWolf
Summary: In the DNA lab, Lupin is revealed to be...
1. Discard the Joker

Legal Stuff: Michael Suzuki, Zenigata, and Lupin belong to Monkey Punch.

8/2/08

A/N: I could have sworn I've read a fic with this idea. If I unknowingly plagiarized, please speak up! : ( I assure you it wasn't intentional!

Analysis...complete.

"I don't believe it...this is unpreceented...!"

"What is it, doctor?"

"...You're not authorized to receive this information. Get...get Mr. Suzuki down here immediately!"

"I'm here, doctor...now what is exactly that you've found?"

"Take a look for yourself, Mr. Suzuki."

The renowned mult-million business giant, then twenty, viewed the screen that radiated a jumble of

figures that only had meaning when put in terms of profit and loss. He scowled disdainfully at the

screen and with impatience demanded his head scientist,

"What does it mean?"

"It means, Mr. Suzuki, that Subject 5196 DNA is not only desirable--but it may be the key to ending

that which all mankind dreads...Death."

Suzuki was unimpressed. "Naturally, the product will be in very high demand. Just think--governments

engaged in bidding wars...your coffers will be bursting with revenue--"

"That's all I need to hear," Suzuki stopped whatever the rest the head scientist had to say with a dismissive

wave of his hand. "Begin cloning immediately."

And so the order was given. The army of scientists and their instruments went to work double-time,

the process moving more quickly than usual because this subject was now top priority. Though this

time it was different: normally it was laborious because they were rearranging the DNA, combining,

splitting, manipulating the hereditary instructions of every soul in the compound. But for this one--

no need to enhance this one. He was already perfect.

The subject's DNA was ready to be cloned. The subject himself lay motionless in one of the endless

rows of tubes. Now that they had the DNA, it was useless to keep him there, possibly even--

Hazardous.

The head scientist had his finger on the mechanism that would set the process in motion.

That's when the tube began to shake. The alarm--which signaled a disturbance in the

cloning chamber, scarcely went off when the tube that was holding Subject 5196

shattered--the shatter-proof glass fractured into a thousand pieces and collected

on the floor. The subject, bloodless, bounded onto the top of his former prison

and looked at them with blood-colored eyes that resembled two gaping mouths of

hell...

Master of Disguise

by Blue9Tiger

1: Discard the Joker

Six years later...

A shrivelled moon hung in teetering cradle of clouds in the night, broken by the blaring of sirens.

Somewhere back in the tunnel, Inspector Zenigata's squad car had blown up, which forced him to continue the

chase without it, and after running through a stolen bike, trike, and unicycle, he was only just behind his quarry

on foot.

"Lupin!! I've got ya now!"

"Give it a rest, Pops!" Lupin cheerfully advised as he ran a few feet ahead of his eternal pursuer. The latter, red

in the face, drenched in sweat, his heart a heavy metal band in his chest, ran all the harder--he should have

passed out from overexertion a long time ago, but then again, this was Zenigata. "I wouldn't push myself so hard

if I were you!"

"Yeah--?! why's that?!"

Lupin gave a wink and a cheeky smirk, gaining a wall. He latched onto it and was halfway up when Zenigata,

still fueled by his inextinguishable tenacity, clamped onto the base of the wall, though ragged, sweaty, and

just about to pass out. Lupin made the top of the wall, and with a cheerful but snarky grin, yelled from his perch,

"It's 'cause you wouldn't be able to afford the medical bill if you get hospitalized! You might break a hip or

something!"

"...HEY!!" Zenigata burst in the abrupt realization. He wasn't that old! Even so, he was losing the weasel's trail.

Damnit, if he had acted on that tip from the shady old woman earlier, he would have had not only him, but

would've bagged the rest of his gang, and wouldn't be clutching for dear life on a wall which he was quickly

losing his grip on and ass meeting asphalt seemed to be the only alternative. To pour salt in the gash,

his rage-clouded gaze caught Lupin vanish over the wall, and his cocky, mocking, jeering laugh.

LIke so many times before, Zenigata fell down and gained a bruise to both dignity and ass.

He rubbed the sore spot without much care as to who was watching, and growling oaths

amidst coughing and gasping for air, he headed back to the wreckage to regroup.

--

Firemen surrounded the exploded squad cars, sirens from other squad cars flashed red

and blue, and a haggard Zenigata dragged himself on-scene to the sight of his furious chief. Before

the inspector could form a coherent explanation, the purple chief broke in,

"You've really made a mess this time, Zenigata."

Zenigata, too drained from the chase--he had been chasing the guy on foot for four solid hours,

for Chrissake--! to counter with his usual loud protest, his assurance of eventual capture, his firm

belief that he was the best man for the job, lowered his head in shame and in preparation for dismissal,

suspension, or worse.

"You've consistently failed in your efforts to apprehend Lupin. And also--" The chief hesitated, debated

whether to tell him more, and decided.

"What?" he asked expectantly.

"It no longer concerns you, anyway. You're hereby dismissed from the Lupin the 3rd case

and from the investigations department. I'm reassigning you to traffic duty."

"Wait, CHIEF!"

Even if he had been in a coma that wouldn't stop him from protesting that.

But the "that's an order" from the chief elicited his sullen salute and he trudged homeward,

teary-eyed and angry.

With the perpetual embarassment to the department out of the way, the chief turned to

a man with cruel features that had all this time been lurking in the darkness.

"Of course you understand that apprehending Lupin is no longer a priority."

"That's why you hired me."

"You also understand that this is a matter of public safety."

"When dealing with his species, it always is."

"The ICPO gives you its full authority. We're prepared to provide you whatever you need

to take him out."

The chief calmly withdrew a hollow-point bullet from underneath his uniform and held it

up demonstratively to the dark shape. The latter took a look at it, chuckled, and waved it

aside.

"Your support is appreciated, Commissioner. However, I have all the ammunition that

I need."

The chief eyed the other's person with skepticism.

"But you're completely unarmed-what are you talking about?"

The figure in the darkness chuckled.

"There are other ways to eliminate your target than guns, Commissioner. Especially in my

profession."

"I trust you--and what did you say that was--a bounty hunter?"

"You could say that. But my ultimate reward comes from God, when I attain eternal

salvation after a life devoting to ridding the world of the unclean."

"God..of course," the chief agreed, more as a way of placating his new associate than

anything else. Making alliances with

fanatics--as much as it compromised the reputation of his division, it had become

imperative to rub out the famous criminal once and for all. And Zenigata would just

be in the way--sometimes he wondered how loyal the incompetent officer was--but,

it didn't matter now. He was out of his hair and soon the whole damn thing would

be put to rest. "And I don't need to tell you, keep it quiet. The easier it will be to

make up a story for the press."

"I make no promises, Commissioner. But I assure you, that within twenty-four hours,

Lupin the Third will be dead."

A/N: I wondered, lets throw in a Hellsing character! But I settled for a colorless

overly-confident villain. I hope you'll read more.


	2. Retirement, yay! Nevermind

Legal Stuff: Lupin, Jigen, Goemon, and Fujiko belong to Monkey Punch.

8/4/08

Master of Disguise

by Blue9Tiger

2: Retirement, yay! Aw...Nevermind

Corona, Riesling, some unknown blend of champagne, and freshly-brewed sake swished under the flickering

flat bulb, which bathed the liquid periodically in a sickly light. The general state of the flat--run down, with electrical

wiring haphazardly poking out like thorns, leaky pipes, and peeling floorboards, not to mention the tottering lamp,

contrasted brightly with the festive mood of the four occupants of the flat.

"Here's to us!" Lupin declared, downing his glass of beer with a wicked snicker. "And here's to good old Eggbert,

former CEO of PeaceInc.,!"

"Bankrupt, thanks to us!" Jigen laughed with his giant mouthful of teeth, unbelievably white despite his long time

dependence on nicotine, and slammed down his glass. "Can't deal in arms without cold hard cash--so, come on, boss,

lets see the loot!"

Lupin, cheerfully lighting his own Gitane with his lighter, cleared the glasses out of the way, grabbed one of the

bags and dumped out the contents of the night's haul, stacks of bills, sober dollars, multi-colored euros, hills of yen, landed crunchily

on the table. The flickering light smiled weakly and even Goemon's small eyes widened to the size of grapes. The three others that

comprised Lupin's band of thieves gazed with lust at the small mountain of cash and attacked it, threw it up, kissed it,

not unlike kids in a pile of candy.

"From here on out it's five star, first-class all the way," Fujiko beamed, reclining rather un-elegantly in the

money. Fantasies of not far-off luxury and endless idleness in some palatial setting brought a smile to her lips as she

finished the last of her champagne. Of course, nothing was endless, nothing was forever, but still young, still beautiful,

such a dream was very real.

But while Fujiko basked, Jigen dove, and Goemon sat content and unconflicted in the marsh of money, Lupin

was inspecting the results of the night's heist. And he cocked a suspicious brown eye at it as he flipped through

the wad of bills. His expert eye, accustomed by virtue of his trade to instantly recognize the genuine article,

roved across the print on the dollar, and he scowled while yelling,

"What the hell?! Only half of these are real!"

"Say what?..!" Jigen lunged, and his jaw dropped and hung there, which to an outsider, made him look stupid.

_Goddamnit, there goes my retire-young plan. Just can't beat the system, no matter what business you're in, _Jigen grumbled

in his head. Lupin irately flung down the counterfeit bills. His hat-wearing partner snarled semi-incoherently,

"That means they still got the real dough, right?"

Lupin shook his head.

"There's no way, Jigen."

"An' why's that, boss?"

"Because," Lupin inhaled another round on his cigarette and blew a white cloud of smoke out of his mouth, now twisted in

contemplation. "I was handling the proceeds, that's why!"

"Then--where the hell did the cash go?"

"DINGDINGDING! And for the grand prize, where is the money?" Lupin answered with a broad sweep of his hand in his best

game show host voice. "You have thirty seconds..." Jigen opened his mouth and grumbled when Lupin did an obnoxiously

perfect version of a buzzer, "Aaanngkh! Time's up! Too bad, so sad, you get only half the cash and after all that work!" Lupin yelled,

and in exasperation slammed himself into the ratty couch in the corner and slapped his forehead.

Goemon, still unmoving on his imaginary tatami mat, offered,

"Lupin, weren't you caught by Zenigata for all of ten seconds before you led him on an unnecessarily lengthy

pursuit?"

Lupin went pink, then bright red, paled, greened, yellowed, and finally returned to normal and kicked his heels

against the floor.

"Don't tell me--!! The sneaky old bastard!! Of all the amateur mistakes to make, I can't believe it, the guy wants

me in the can so bad that he's convinced me that's the ONLY thing he wants!"

"So if we see him in a decent suit the next time we cross paths, you'll know where the rest of the profits went,"

muttered the seated samurai, irritated lines tightening his pale lips.

Lupin growled in frustration and then laughed, his gums and flat teeth flashing with unflattering shamelessness. Fujiko,

her dream broken as unceremoniously as a smashed bottle on the pavement, scowled and shot a dangerous glare

at her partner.

"I hope you're figuring out a way to get the money back, Lupin."

Read: I_ can't believe you lost my share!_

The leader of the gang returned her scowl with a mock disdainful look.

"O ye of no faith, Fujiko!" Then smug. "Of course I have a plan! Just..." Exhausted and wanting sleep,

his lids fell over his round eyes and he slouched on the couch, that had seen better days. He yawned and stretched, let himself slide into the cushion,

sprang up, and walked in his bow-legged way out of the room and shut the door. Jigen groaned, shrugged, pulled

his hat over his lupine nose, and also headed out of the room, snatching with a somewhat furtive hand what looked like a pink

puppet with a tag that read "Fabriquée en France" before growling a curt "G'night" and hurriedly slamming the door.

The samurai was the only one left in the room, and he had no need of a large nose--and besides, he didn't

have one-- to smell trouble.

A/N: Believe it or not, this is going somewhere! Where did Fujiko go? Why does Jigen have a pink puppet from France?

Stay tuned. : )


	3. Bottled Fortune

Legal Stuff: Fujiko belongs to Monkey Punch. Scary but true. : )

If I plagiarized anyone, please let me know! : (

8/4/08

Master of Disguise

3: Bottled Fortune

A light past-midnight wind swept papers that collected at the base of the buildings. The air was at its

freshest, and this particular district had long assumed all the populated-ness of a graveyard. In the city center,

far away in the distance, lights could still be heard, honking still heard. But here, only the snoring on the second

floor. Fujiko cast a honeyed gaze at the half-open window, and then winked in brewing mischief. She went off

into the streets, in no particularly hurry, but with purpose etched onto her features, hidden by a round woman's

hat with a bow. The wind grew brisk and she straightened the collar of her light trenchcoat.

_Oh, Lupin..you are the greatest thief in the world but it doesn't make you the best businessman. _

Her meticulously-painted lips curved secretive, masking the treachery behind it like caramel-coated poison.

_Lets face it, lover. On most ventures our expenses trump our profits, and then we're left--you get hounded by creditors._

_And forgive me, lover, my weak constitution just can't take that added stress--I am a professional, with_

_contacts worldwide and at any time I can leave this business and find a secure position in the legitimate rat_

_race...but you, Curious George are stuck in the underworld. _Laughing to herself, she disappeared and then

reappeared at the end of a sketchy alleyway. A dog mumbled. A rat jumped and fell into a pile of

moldy newspapers. But while I'm here I might as well make it worth my while. And it always makes it

so much more interesting, you said it yourself, baby.

She stopped at a seedy storefront with neon letters that read APOTHECAR--The y had been hanging

on for dear life for the last week or so and now it had completely died. P was next, flashing on and off

like the tasteful signs outside of a triple X peep show or adult video rental. Nevertheless, Fujiko

walked through the door and up to the counter without a second thought.

"Doc H, may I have a bottle of the usual?" the woman asked with the assurance that she was going

to get what she had gone there for. After all, she was a regular here, and the storeowner, though

a mental hospital was probably a better place for him, he was extremely efficient--almost as if he

wasn't human or something--well, whatever. He always had the goods that she wanted for a

reasonable price, and always had them ready well before she needed them.

However, the creepy albeit familiar hunched-over, labcoated form of her supplier wasn't there.

In his place was the figure in shadow, whose clothes were practically unseeable in the dark, garbed

entirely in black, Fujiko could discern him by the silver--pure silver cross he was wearing. "You're

not Doc H--but I must say, you look a lot easier on the eyes." Fujiko waved her eyelashes

in her usual seductive way, whenever she wanted to charm a man out of his valuables. The

figure in black knew her game.

"This is God's holy protection, miss. It may mean the difference between life and death, for it has holy

properties to banish the unbeliever."

_Guy's just a little off the deep end..._

"Tell me more..." the woman cooed, leaning in closer to the silver--mysterious stranger. The latter

didn't seem to want to indulge Fujiko for long, though, and he abruptly stated,

"I know that you want to purloin my silver cross, my dear. And I regret to say, that I cannot allow it.

However...I will not allow you to leave empty-handed. This was the potion that you wanted, correct?"

_First time that they react civilly--the only other exception being King Cellulite and Posideon's Flame.._

_really, I don't know if I should be relieved or worried that he's going to summon the Royal Protestant_

_Knights or something... _

Though the woman showed no outward sign of apprehension, somehow the stand-in for the

apothecary smelled it underneath.

"You're surprised at my benevolence? You're only human, my dear, and all humans have their

faults. God is always willing to forgive, and you merely coveted my silver cross. Here."

The shadowed figure produced a shining bottle and laid it on the counter. "I'm afraid your Doctor

H. is fresh out of your usual...knock-out juice?" he asked.

Fujiko took the bottle, slipped a bill across the counter, and winked.

"Exactly. But how did you know?"

"Doctor H. told me before he went out for a..swim. But never mind that."

Fujiko, not putting anything past Doc H, inspected the bottle and returned it.

"This isn't what I ordered. Didn't you say it's out of stock? The stun spray's what I need."

"Oh, but this is even better. Extremely potent. Just have L--just have the person whom

you want to knock unconscious ingest it."

"Extremely potent.." Fujiko repeated, twirling the bottle in her finely-manicured nails. She

slid the bottle into the pocket of her trenchcoat and made her way out, brimming with

thoughts of non-lethal treachery and backstabbing.

"A pleasure doing business with you," she said sweetly as the bell jangled and the

apothecary's was flooded in darkness yet again. The assassin chuckled to himself

and checked the flashing lighted face of his watch. 2:24 AM. By tomorrow morning.

Far beyond in the center city, below the blaring of horns and the thunder of traffic,

the river was silent except for the grumbling bright green man who was sopping

wet and quite irate.

A/N: What will happen to Lupin, now that Fujiko has the mysterious bottle?

It's too early to find out, but stick around to find out Lupin's next nefarious

plan!


	4. On to the Hollow Needle!

Legal Stuff: Jigen, Goemon, Lupin, and Zenigata belong to Monkey Punch.

The green guy from the previous chapter is Hojo, and he belongs to Squaresoft.

It's not easy being green : )

8/6/08

Master of Disguise

by Blue9Tiger

4: On to the Hollow Needle!

The bearded gunman swallowed a mouthful of strawberry-soaked pancakes

that were cheery in the early morning sun that broke boisterously through the window.

Sounds of "mm" and "this shit is great" wormed its way incoherently out of Jigen's mouth,

as he eagerly sliced himself some more. Naturally, he was already wearing the hat that

almost seemed like an extension of his head, but the purple napkin tied around his neck

somewhat dampened the incorruptable masculine image that he had carefully sculpted.

"What is the plan for our nocturnal business dealings?"

Lupin speared a piece of his pancake, undid his batter-splotched apron while not-so-discreetly

snickering,

"I bet 100 euros it's the Bare-All Bar for you, Goemon--heeh--heeh--" The skin under

the samurai's eyes reddened, a short growl rose in his throat and then in a controlled fury that meant instant death to anyone

who would dare wound his honor, he brought a smooth hand to Zantetsuken. "-I mean, just kidding,

Goemon, buddy, you're coming with us, of course, to the Hollow Needle!" Lupin pacified him,

grinning widely and nervously until the samurai returned to a state of balance and to chewing his

pickled plums.

"What's the grmrrmffgrrrfffneedle?" asked Jigen, gulping down the last of the pancake.

"Hey wait, I remember, that's where your grandpa hid all the loot he pinched in his entire career,

right?"

"That's right, pal," Lupin answered, pointing out Jigen with his fork. "The life's work of

the entire Lupin family--minus yours truly--is in that rock." Munch, munch. "Right after my pop ditched our

lonely little planet Earth, the good old gouvernement declared it as a national museum,

and deprived my pop and my grandpa posthumously of all of the fruits of their sweat and blood!"

"Just typical, you know? Ia ir too much to ask to treat social lepers like human beings?"

asked the hairy gunman, heartily attacking a pile of eggs. Goemon's pickled plums had

vanished, and having forgotten about his last bout with this particular item, turned his gaze to the yam

paste.

"Face it, compassion for one's fellow man is gone, old pal, it's just filled with thieves

like us but with a little extra pocket change and authority! Eating up the little man, it's

nothing but a jungle out there and the only one who's smiling is Darwin!"

More scraping on the plates as the food shrank to smaller layers.

"Yeah, but if we snatch your grandpa's goods back, we'll be smiling,

and our pockets too--that is, if you don't count your grandpa's goods as some

kinda heirloom."

"If good old Lupin I was still here, Jigen, he'd clean us out and put it all on

the market--Pop, too. Gold, jewels, I love 'em, but I love 'em even more when

they've got a buyer--" The black-shirted man ate the last of his pancake, let his

fork and knife drop and leaned his forearm on the table. "So, Goemon, what do you say? Are you in?" he asked with

a gleeful wink. The samurai grunted in answer, now thoroughly absorbed in dislodging

his Zantetsuken that had been wedged into a rather sad-looking yam, and had

been pushing, pulling, twisting, biting, anything to wrench it free. Lupin leaned over

and annoyed the other thief with a "heeh". "Meaning you, not your sword--that thing's

as far in as it can get!"

Overtaken by a burst of contained fury, Goemon tore the sword out of the yam with a

shloop, and with his eternal air of gravity he replaced his sword in its sheath.

"I would much like to see the famous twelve tapestries with my own eyes."

Lupin bounced up from his chair and announced in his rather high-pitched voice,

"So that's a 'yes' in old Japanese, right? Alright! Now lets just whip out the layout

of the compound..it's a museum, you know, for "Infamous Larcenists of the 20th

century--"

"Uh, boss?"

Sometime before the swordsman had freed his sword from the clutches of

the evil yam, Lupin's other partner had finished, thrown his plate in the sink with

the other dishes, gone to the window, and was now half out of it, looking at something.

Jigen, what the hell's out the window, don't dogs usually stick their heads

outta cars?

Jigen grumbled "smartass" and jabbed a hairy thumb at the street. Lupin poked

his head out the window and was unpleasantly surprised.

"Pops?! Hey, nice uniform..!" Lupin pointed at the officer, who was dressed

in a regular uniform with his badge conspcuously pinned to his clothes.

Zenigata grimaced, blew steam out of his nose like a snorting bull,

spied a crumpled-up car propped up against the building, and Lupin's and

Jigen's hollers of laughter turned to "goddamn", "son of a bitch", and

rained it with full fury down on his head. "What gives, Pops?! My car's

parked perfectly fine!" he protested, grabbing ahold of the windowsill.

Zenigata stuck the ticket on the dashboard and indicated in his

normal, cacophanous voice,

"Don't think so, wise guy. Your headlight's busted and you're

parked in a snowlot and in the "expectant mother's slot, and I hardly

think you're an expectant mother, Lupin!"

"Really? 'Cause I took it for some kinda avant-garde deal!

Art's pretty subjective, you know!"

"Show lot," Zenigata repeated, tapping on the sign, in all

seriousness, but with an obnoxious tone that didn't bother to

hide that he was enjoying this. Lupin didn't give him the satisfaction

of losing his cool over the whole thing further. Sighting the rather fat

bulge in his nemesis' pocket, he looked at it sideways, leaned

himself out the window, and looked cheeky.

"So why run around fining little old me, Pops? Don't you have

bigger fish to fry now that you're a big-shot meter maid?"

Lupin was waiting for him to belch fire and flail about in

impotence as usual, but curiously, he didn't even flinch.

"You got thirty days to pay up!"

"I don't owe the city crap!" Lupin answered with his shrill screech,

smiled broadly in malice. "'Cause the cop doing the ticketing isn't

exactly on the straight and narrow--is it just me, or did all your fat

gravitate to your pocket?"

He gestured with a nod of his oval head and a wink. Zenigata was

caught unawares this time and stammered, blinking his eyes. Then

he grinned dangerously.

"Ya really want it that bad? Come down here and get it!"

"Though I'd really love to come join you Pops, I just had

a lovely breakfast and I'm not looking forward to seeing it again,

at least not out the front end! But all that weight at your age isn't

good at your age, old man, you could get a heart attack! So let

me do you a favor and take those extra pounds off!" Lupin

offered mockingly as he played with barely visible lengths of

wire in the air, expertly manipulating them so that the stolen

money seemed to float out of the cop's pocket, leaving him

gaping, and uncharacteristically, instead of refusing to

acknowledge that he was beat by stomping in ineffectual

rage, he took on a despairing look Lupin's wicked

laughing subsided and he momentarily let the bills hang

there, suspended between he and his enemy.

"You won, ya damn bastard. Take the goddamn loot."

"Don't mind if I do--heeh heeh heeh--" Lupin began

reeling up the bills but couldn't help catching the cop's look,

which instead of twisted in a mask of laughable fury, was

despondent. "Hey, Pops, no hard feelings, right? You seemed

pretty eager to snatch the dough away from me--not like you at

all! What gives?"

"Commissioner cut my salary, what's it to ya?! I'd still

have my job if you'd just give yourself up! But--how long have I

known ya, fat chance of that." Pathetically, he slid to his knees

and started tearing up. "He's hired some bible-thumper to take ya out,

and he's taken his salary outta my paycheck--I'm at the end of the

line, Lupin--ya gotta help me!!" he pleaded, sitting on his legs and

clamping his hands on the bumpy pavement.

"Lupin, man, don't do it! He friggin' mugged you back there

and you're gonna give up the cash ?!" Jigen grabbed his partner by the shirt

and shook him, exhorting him to listen to reason.

"Tell you what, Pops--I'll give you half of it!"

The thief pulled the wires again, and split the stack in half, pulling

the other set of bills through the window and into his fist, to the background

of Jigen groaning and howling. The cop flipped through the bills, tipped

up his cap, smiled, and called to his enemy,

"He says he'll getcha in 24 hours."

Then he ran off with his share yelling something about "No parking!"

"Lupin!!" screamed Jigen, shaking Lupin so hard that the gray matter in

his skull seemed to shake. "What the hell did you do that for?! We could've had

the whole pie, but you had to go all noble gentleman-cambrioleur! This ain't a

charity, you know! Damn, Lupin, I always thought the only one you'd go all

soft for was Fujiko but Pops?! C'mon man, is it just chicks and old fogeys that

make you lose your criminal edge or do you just have an annoying weakness

for humanity?..!"

Lupin shoved his partner off and raised a hand and eyebrow in righteous

irritation.

"Including bottom feeders like Nexus and Von Meyer and that lovable

lot? Hell, no, Jigen," retorted the thief. "But I'm human, and humans are allowed

their flaws, or else they'd be angels or something like that!"

"Or demons," Goemon interjected laconically, shifted his eyes, and

returned to meditation.

"Yeah, like Goemon said!"

"Being human doesn't change the fact that we're short what, like twenty

thousand?"

Lupin stalked towards the other thief and shot petulantly,

"Yeah, yeah, anything else you wanna whine about, leave a message!"

He planted his foot on the chair and slid his hand in his jacket and rolled

it out onto the table. "Now, it's standard security, nothing special--kinda insulting,

really."

"You'd prefer a homing missile, boss?" Jigen asked from under the brim of

his hat.

"Better security just shows much a dent the Lupin family made in their wallet!"

Lupin answered jovially. That earned a n "Ermgh" from Jigen. "Sometimes I just don't

get the guy. So how're we hittin'' this joint?"

Goemon, his hand in his sleeves and sword against his shoulder, stared

suspiciously about the room, noting the disconcerting absence of a certain

untrustworthy female.

_One cannot spell the word betrayal without the letter "F". I do not like the aura_

_that surrounds this venture. And yet, I would sooner convert to Christianity than _

_miss an opportunity to view the twelve tapestries._

"We'll enter here, at the entrance. Guards are nil!" Lupin pointed at the little

square, illuminated by the yellow light.

"Has the security not changed from your father's time?" Goemon asked

without inflection. A smile cut Lupin's face and he held both palms outwards.

"C'mon, ya think I'd go in blind, guys? I just popped in there last month!

Fourteen run-of-the-mill security guards with government issue guns, and

one little patrol rig that circles it all night. We'll hit it by boat at 9 tonight--

it's a no-brainer, just do your thing, guys!" He looked at his two partners,

who looked far from convinced. Jigen had that frown--that inexplicably

resembled a pout-- of his whenever he was skeptical.

"Hey man, even for what the government thinks is a second class antique museum

this security looks too thin to be kosher. I just don't like the smell of this."

"I agree with Jigen. There is also your girl-friend to worry about."

Lupin laughed a little sheepishly, rolled up the map and stuck it

back into his jacket. He clapped a hand on Jigen and Goemon's

stiff shoulder.

"These little kinks are just there to see if we're on top of our game!

What's vension without a little spice, right?"

"Venison sucks--and as for the rest of it...ah, forget it," the beard

grumbled. "Yeah, I'm in--only you better not donate to the friggin'

Feed the Zenigata fund."

"I am of the same mind."

Rnnng!

The blast of the phone rent the relative quiet of the flat just as

JIgen and Goemon once again threw their lot in with the red-jacketed

larcenist. The head of the gang strode swaying to the phone under

a particular peeled section of the wall.

"Yeah, who is it?'

"Ars**è**ne Lupin?"

"The third! And what can I do for you?"

_How the hell did he get my number? _

"Just interested in giving you some valuable

information. Your friend Fujiko Mine at this moment

is heading to the Hollow Needle."

"Huh?" Lupin blinked, nonplussed. "How do you know

that, how do you know that Fujiko knows, and how do you

know Fujiko?" The last part increased in sharpness, as if

jealous. "Just who the hell ar eyou? And why bother telling

me?"

"You are right not to trust me. A stranger calls you in

the middle of the day, on your off-hours, how inconsiderate,

maybe a stalker, and your reputation as a master thief would

certainly earn you enemies."

"Including you, maybe? Stop running your child molester

mouth of yours and tell me what I wanna know, huh?"

"I put a wire on your friend, Miss Mine. And she for

the past two weeks or so, had the occasion to put a wire

on you."

Lupin arched his eyebrow with an incredulous glare.

"Well, crazy stalker guy, how do I know the cops didn't

do this? Or as a matter of fact, you?"

At that, the other voice simply chuckled. "What's so funny?!"

"If you don't believe me, check."

Lupin took the phone away from his ear and shouted,

"Hey Goemon, open up the wall, will ya?"

The samurai approached the wall and shaved off the

paper with a series of flawless cuts. The paper and the

section of the wall containing the wiring as well as a small

two-way radio. As Goemon drew toward the device with an

angry stare, it came to life and Fujiko's unmistakable voice

sang across the waves.

"You may have cut the wire but I'm only thirty miles

away from the Hollow Needle. Why sneak in at night when

you can steal those luscious gems during business hours?"

"Wait...but Fujiko..!!" Lupin squeaked into the radio,

drooping a bit. JIgen snarled and slammed a balled fist

into his palm.

"That skank! I tell ya Lupin, you can't trust that broad

for a minute!" Jigen grabbed his unloaded gun and

grabbing his pack of bullets, and shoving it a little

rougher than usual into his back holster. Goemon

dashed out the door and Lupin grabbed his magazine and

Walther, threw off his jacket, put it in his holster,

threw it back on, and clapped the phone back onto

the receiver.

"Well, we'll just have to move the heist forward

ten hours!" The three thieves ran down the two

flights of stairs, out the door, and jumped into the

car, still with the ticket lying on the windshield.

"Here's to you, Pops!" Lupin grabbed the ticket,

shredded it, blew a kiss and the three of them

peeled out into the pothole-filled street as the sun

started to climb up the clouds.

A/N: Will Fujiko or Lupin, JIgen, and Goemon pull off the heist first? WIll it even matter as ICPO's

assassin closes in on Lupin? Stay tuned!


	5. Clear Water

Legal Stuff: Lupin, Jigen, and Goemon belong to Monkey Punch.

I promise, this is going somewhere!

8/13/08

Master of Disguise

by Blue9Tiger

5: Clear Water

The flaming wheel in the clouds had risen closer to its highest point.

Its demeanor towards the speeder knifing through the waves

couldn't be read, much like an ever-genial tyrant. The waves

toppled over each other as they would in play, instead of smashing

each other's heads in the heat of a storm.

Lupin stood at the head, steering the boat to the tiny point

in the distance called l'aiguille creuse, that sanctuary that had passed into

relative obscurity and shadow.

Jigen lay stretched out on the back seat of the boat, the wind

making his hair, rather meticulously combed for such a rough

character, blow into his eyes. Goemon sat alert at the boat's

very end, bending it towards the water to no one's

consternation.

The speedometer read somewhere between 80 and

90--(It was an American boat) and as it seared across the water it

jumped slightly at the cue of the roling waves. The boat's wake

sent fish hurrying away as the propeller churned the docile

water.

The head of the gang hung up his mobile and winked

at Jigen.

"Jigen, buddy, take the wheel, alright?"

Jigen got up with a grunt from what looked like a comfy position

and stalked towards the wheel, running down what had to

be his sixtieth cigarette. Jigen grabbed the wheel and growled.

"Hey Lupin, didn't it ever occur to you that the guy who

tipped us off about Fujiko's the same bastard's that's trying to

ice you?"

"I'm a monkey's ass if that wasn't the assassin, Jigen!"

Lupin whipped out a suitcase from below the seat and

pulled out a set of black clothing. Jigen kept one eye on their

course and one eye on his partner, and angrily squeezed

his cancer roll between his molars.

"Then why the hell are we walking what may be--no,

what's gotta be a trap?" He yelled while still facing the wheel,

"Lupin, the son of a bitch wants to kill you--this isn't the time

to be a fucking hero!"

The younger thief flashed his mouthful of happy teeth

and changed, pulling off his red jacket, black shirt, trousers,

and tie and replacing it with anachronistic dress.

"Hey, I didn't say anything about facing the guy head-on,

Jigen! We're gonna go in, grab the goods, get out, and live

to see another day! Heeheeheeeheeh!"

_Damn that lyin' sonnovabitch._ _And I hate_

_that friggin' chimpanzee laugh of his. _

"Just for the record, I don't believe a goddamn word," snorted the

gunman, steering the boat around a bouncing orange buoy, "Well we

can't just walk in the front door like if we were bustin' in at night. You

got somethin'--whoa, hahaah, nice getup boss, did you pull that one

outta your ass?" asked the gunman while grinning, amused by

Lupin's rather cumbersome-looking outfit.

"Right out of good old gramps' closet!" laughed the thief,

adjusting his monocle. "Actually--gramps' real duds are

museum exhibits--mine's just a heeh-heeh, cheap imitation!"

"Is that your fate, too, Lupin, that your garments be

itemized and catalogued in a museum?"

"Hell, no, Goemon, 'cause I'm gonna die naked!"

JIgen answered with an irritated groan, still facing the

water. Goemon nodded, apparently understanding that

kind of logic. "So listen up, guys! I got us a spot at the museum--

The Cultural Heritage and Education Society--that's us--" He

pointed a gloved thumb at his chest, now in a white dress shirt

instead of his preferred black one. "--We're gonna put on a little

magic show--"

"And make your grandpa's shit disappear, right?"

"Right, but by the grand finale everything will be back

where it is, if you get my drift!" Lupin held up the fabled twelve

tapestries, or at least its facsimile. "So Goemon, Jigen, hurry up

and get all turn-of-century-France and stuff!"

"And how does Fujiko fit into your scheme, Lupin?"

"She doesn't!" Lupin spread out the floor plan which rebelled

against the motion-generated wind. "The whole first floor is

the museum--that's where gramps' and pop's worldly

possessions are! Even if I was planning on selling it

it wouldn't be worth a sou!"

"What?!" The boat jerked as Jigen took his shocked eyes away from

the water momentarily. "Then why the hell do you wanna do this job

if there's no payoff?!"

Goemon, having changed into a cap, blouse, and European-style

trousers, itched and silently squirmed under the uncomfortable and alien

clothes.

"It is simple, Jigen. Family honor is paramount to even a man

with low breeding such as as Lupin."

"Hey, you wanna say that to my face, Goemon?!"

"Family honor, huh? Guess a rootless sonnovabitch like me

wouldn't get it. Throw that shirt over here, will ya?" Plop. "Frills? Sure,

make me the gay one!" Lupin grabbed the wheel as JIgen disdainfully

set down his hat. The boat slowed for a while but then sped up again

as Lupin floored the pedal. "So how exactly does this make up for our

losses last job?"

"Wait a sec, JIgen, I'm building suspense here!" Lupin drew out the

floor plan again while steering with his other hand, squished

his forefinger against the paper, and held it up to his partners. "See that

second floor? There's a hidden door right--there--only Lupins know the

code! And through that door is all the metal my pop and grandpa

accumulated over their lifetime! That's the real secret of the Hollow Needle,

and that's why even Fujiko can't get to it!"

"But Lupin," Goemon protested, arching an eyebrow suspiciously. "Is it

not likely that Fujiko has wrested the code from you during your nocturnal

sojourns?"

"That's the thing, pal--there's no way in hell she could do it! It's not like

your garden variety retinal scan, where she could just snap a shot of my

eye and transfer it to the lock--nope, it's more complicated than that!" He

tipped the brim of his black top hat and smiled.

"Then what was the rush to get here for if there's no way that the broad can

snatch the gold before we do?"

"Hello, earth to Hairy! It's a farce! We'll let her think that she's got us beat, that she's one

step ahead, and then--POW! We clear out the entire vault, and for once we'll be the ones

laughing! I just want a little revenge, that's all--" His look, not visible from the back end of

the boat, darkened. "--and to find out if she knows anything about

my friendly-sniper-in-the-dark."

The boat jumped with more frequency as the waves started to get choppy.

Lupin once again turned cheerful as he maneuvered across the biting waves.

"But if you don't mind, make yourselves scarce when I open the lock, got it?"

"What, you think we'll betray you, Lupin? How long have we known each other,

for Chrissakes?" Jigen asked, running to the end of his cigarette, glaring at it,

and tossing it over the side.

The speedometer climbed to 120 as Lupin floored it after staring up at

the ascending sun.

"Of course I trust you guys! I just don't want any of you to be traumatized by

the sight of my BARE ASS CHEEKS!"

He burst out screeching with laughter, Jigen crumpled his now-hatless forehead into his hands,

grumbled "Agh, Jesus" in irritation, Goemon smiled in content, and the three tore

towards the Hollow Needle, rising fast in the distance.

--

A/N: They're almost at the Hollow Needle!


	6. Return of Lupin I?

Legal Stuff: Lupin, Jigen, Goemon, and Fujiko belong to Monkey Punch.

Miscellaneous people are there to take up space. : )

8/13/08

Master of Disguise

by Blue9Tiger

6: Return of Lupin I?

The museum curator eyed the representatives from the Cultural

Heritage and Education Society skeptically from under his brushed

brown wig and cleared his throat with a pretentious cough and adjusted

his glasses.

"You are performing--what, one more time?"

"We're here to re-enact the exploits of Ars**è**ne Lupin I," the black-caped

man stated in an oily French. "Everyone loves a good magic act, right? We will

simply make the infamous criminal's exhibit "disappear", only to make it reappear

moments later!" He punctuated the last with a flourish of his cape. The curator was

not impressed and maintained his flat expression. "Fabulous, is it not?" he asked

unctuously.

"Well, I would not call it fabulous. We have had much more worthwhile

events in the past."

_Yeah, great hospitality! He begs us to fill some clown that cancelled at the last _

_minute's spot and then he's got his nose so high up it's in some angel's ass!_

"However, you will have to do, I suppose," sniffed the curator haughtily. Jigen and

Goemon were silent behind Lupin, playing the mute assistants. But though pretending

to be mute, the samurai, blending in while suffering in the western wear, was reading--or trying to--read an open

museum brochure on the desk. The inscrutable rs, hs, and chs ran unmercifully

across the four-page brochure, and he squinted, hoping to find a trace of his

familiar, broadly and beautifully-painted letters.

_Ah...the land of reeds..most blessed by the gods...alas, I find no trace of my home here. _

_There is only decadence and false luxury here. And their customs are baffling. Why is man constricted to these _

_suffocating garments? I feel as if I am being crushed. Why are there so many consonants? It produces a_

_dissonant sound that defiles my ears. I do not see how Lupin and Jigen can bear to speak_

_such a tongue. _

"So, can you direct your visitors to the Lupin Family exhibit in--oh, I don't know--ten minutes?"

"Certainly, Mr. Andresy."

Goemon was torn from his thoughts as he spied Lupin and the curator heartily shaking

hands. He couldn't understand it: the curator had been so indifferent, even hostile, earlier.

But no need to ponder such questions--now in the curator's confidence, all that remained was

to carry out their plans.

--

The small crowd of Germans, Frenchmen, Englishmen, and one or two noisy Americans

wearing berets squeezed into the narrow room which contained the exhibit. The only

renovations were the electrical lights and the various desks, booths, glass cases, and

alarms that had been installed sometime before--but the cavernous walls remained, and the

whole feeling that one was buried deep beneath the earth remained, even though the first floor

was slightly above sea level.

"Huh...? What's this?" murmured an American tourist in front of the sign, scratching his head. "Ar-sane--

Lu--hey, Troy, check it out! This is a museum for that bounty hunter dude."

"Dude, like the German detective?"

"No, I think he was Spanish or whatever. Hey, man, where's the bathroom? You got a shitter around here?"

One of the museum employees shook her head. "I don't speak English."

"Dude, can we get someone who speaks English or whatever? I'm gonna blow!"

Lupin, standing in the empty space before the crowd of curious spectators, still in his

cape, monocle, top hat, bow tie, white shirt, gloves, and suit, cast his head towards the

audience. Jigen and Goemon stood behind him, the former pulling down a frilly sleeve to

glance at the watch that seemed to be permanently fused to his wrist.

The last audience member trickled in through the uneven doorway, past the

30 euro admission sign. A white light gleamed cruelly off the glass of his monocle

resting against his light skin. Dropping his voice a few octaves, the thief grandly

swept his cape across the cavern floor and shouted, his voice rising and

falling as it suited the moment,

"Ladies and gentleman, the time has come! Witness in amazement

as the criminal that plagued Parisian streets more than a hundred years

ago and steals back before your very eyes what he claims to be rightfully his--" Lupin grabbed

an imaginary valuable in his hand and pulled it away wearing an exaggerated

sneaky expression, as most of the crowd stood mesmerized. JIgen smiled at the

reception, resisted the urge to itch, and finished, masking any irony that would

come with the statement,

"--And as the invisible righteous hand of justice returns the stolen

goods to their rightful owner, the nation of France!"

Goemon hit the spotlight on his partner and shut out the lights, which

though the Hollow Needle was bathed in sun from the outside, threw the

place into total darkness. A murmur went up from the crowd, grumbling

about "cheesy special effects" and it suddenly became foul-smelling

for no apparent reason.

Jigen held up a sign in front of the spotlight that read "deserted Parisian street".

Snickers and derisive snorts from the audience. Lupin emerged from the shadows,

and bowed deeply.

"You look lovely, my dears--like a bright comet in the constellations," he declared,

planting a chivalrous kiss on the hands of the women, who couldn't help but feel

drawn into it--there was something fiercely magnetic about the man.

"And now, I shall reclaim what is mine from the decrepit French government--before

your very eyes,"

announced the thief in a different voice, more noble and yet all the more full of trickery,

as he swept his arm dramatically, which brought a low murmur. He penned a warning letter with a quill that it seemed that he

had produced from nowhere. He dropped the letter from atop a crevice in the wall, jumped down,

and ran to the "Mesdames et Messieurs, ladies and gentlemen, Damen

und Herren, your company has been charming, but now I must bid you all adieu."

A burst of smoke poured from the smoke machine that Goemon was operating, and

when it cleared in a matter of minutes, the entire collection had vanished. The curator

stood outside, a pool of nervous sweat. There was screaming, cries of confusion,

and a low thunder from the rest.

Now Jigen was operating the smoke machine, and the room filled anew. Again it

retreated, and to the audience's shock the collection had reappeared. Dazzled

by the feat, they clapped heartily for the performers, two of which had

disappeared.

"The moral with which we end our story, is good always triumphs," smiled Jigen, who

shut off the spotlight, flicked on the lights, and removing his cap, bowed.

--

A reverential silence had fallen upon Goemon.

_At last, the twelve tapestries. _

He held these western curiosities as well as others that he didn't care much about

in his hands his impossibly tight pants, as well as a few trinkets in his black hair.

He inspected the twelve tapestries with awe. _How could a western work of art _

_hold this much intricacy? It almost parallels Japanese craftsmanship. _

He could hear Lupin's steps around the corner. The latter had discarded

his disguise and it lay in a pile on the cave floor. It was rockier and jagged

than the main floors, that had been filed down for the comfort of the tourists.

This corridor was wild, untouched, a little savage. There were no lights

here--or rather, an ancient lamp had been torn from its roots and smashed

here--you couldn't see the pieces of glass, but you could still see the

mangled lamp frame attached to the slightly-inclining wall. It was dark

and cool, shielding the innards of the Hollow Needle from the sun.

A pleasant place, despite its lack of trees.

Lupin had been opening the lock--his partner had respected the former's

wishes and stayed hidden from sight, along with the items that they

had removed from the museum. He listened through the wall for the

echoes of dismayed voices, but their deceit had not been discovered.

Goemon inspected the other, more trivial items that they had stolen.

_No..none of them are trivial to Lupin, because they belonged to his_

_ancestors. They suffer from inferior workmanship, however. What is this?_

The samurai strayed away from the items on the floor and held up a pair of manacles

to the light further towards the main chamber. _Someone etched in--L-u-p-i-n..this must be the _

_officer who was charged with pursuing his grandfather. I smell _

_agony in these letters. Imagine, how his futile pursuit, like registered_

_revenge in the glorious reign of Genroku, caused him many years of pain. _Goemon set

the cuffs down on the ground, and picked up the monocle that they

had also removed. It was cracked. _This, despite its fine workmanship,_

_is unusable. The eye that once saw through this has long decayed._

_The head that wore that hat, nothing but dust. And yet it is humanity's_

_struggle to survive death..._

The door groaned open from disuse. Lupin signaled to the samurai,

who noticed that the entrance wasn't closing. Perplexed, Goemon placed

the goods in a satchel that he had kept on his person and ran through the

doorway. Lupin poked his head out the entrance.

"C'mon, Fujiko, you wanted the stash, and I rolled out the red carpet

just for you, so come on out already!" he called in his shrill voice, cupping

a hand to his mouth. He was now in his regular outfit, red jacket, black

shirt and pants, yellow tie, bold, uncoordinated and sharp at the same

time.

Sure enough, the lure of wealth was too great for the woman to resist,

and she appeared from around the corner, watching the other from

underneath her smiling lashes.

"I'm right here, lover."

A/N: They've found the treasure! What will happen now?


	7. Curtain Comes Down

Legal Stuff: Lupin, Fujiko, and Goemon belong to Monkey Punch.

8/14/08

Master of Disguise

by Blue9Tiger

7: Curtain Comes Down

The now-conspicuous entrance yawned invitingly as Fujiko coolly stepped inside

the main chamber. She brushed away a handful of hair that had wrapped around

her bare neck. Goemon had retrieved his sword from some concealed orifice and

held it at the ready, as well as cast off his disguise and was glaring intently at the

shifty woman--what an insult that a fellow Japanese could be so dishonorable!

"I'm impressed," Fujiko gestured with a hand. She was in a blaring scarlet dress,

a wailing siren, but for now the other thief showed no signs of crumbling, as was

evident on his genial smirk of a face. "Even with your late start you managed to

get here before me. I guess that you're not completely hopeless, Lupin."

"Might as well drop the act, Fuji-cakes," Lupin answered, gleefully striding towards

her. "You knew that this vault is me-activated only! And that means--" He blinked

purposefully. "You needed us to go in first, and you just kicked back and waited

for us to get here!"

She advanced towards him, stroking his round cheek with her silky hand.

"Oh, please, does that sound like me?" she purred as she stroked a fuzzy

tuft of her rival's hair. Goemon turned away in disgust. "Who do you think

facilitated your little magic act? I softened him up before you even walked

through the front door. After all, what's a plan without a woman's touch?"

She pressed her lips to his to accentuate the point, and the man turned

to jelly, expelling a slew of "Waahhs", "wooos", and other semi-comprehensible

blabber, swaying back and forth as if drunk. Goemon sighed in silent anger.

"You're right, Fuji-cakes..waaaa..!!.and you helped me get my gramps' and

pops' stuff back...eeee...!!"

"Just doing my part, lover."

"Weeeee...I think that--that woooo--entitles you to a share...!!"

"Eighty-twenty sounds about right, doesn't it?"

Goemon snapped, but the head of the gang waved his hand at him in a

friendly but warning manner.

"There's four of us so we split it four ways, got it?" Lupin returned to his alert

self, no longer intoxicated by his rival/enemy/partner/lover's irresistible

scent. Fujiko was caught unawares, but didn't show it.

"Four ways it is." Her eyes shifted to the door. "Why do you still have that open?

Aren't you worried that someone will find this place and steal a cut right under

our nose?"

"Heehheehheeh! Besides you, Fujiko, I'm not worried about nada!" He grinned

crazily and confidently swiped his hand in front of his neck. "Just waiting for

my main man--hey, there he is!"

Jigen ambled inside with his hands in his pockets with an obnoxious grin on his

gaunt face. The door ground shut behind him, and the resonating contact of the

door scraping against the wall drowned out his tongue as he let loose on Fujiko.

"Relax, Jigen, give the girl a break! She made things a whole lot easier for us!"

"Yeah, by sleepin' with...grrrfmmrghhh..typical woman...grrfgghmgh.."

"Don't listen to him, Fujiko, he's just having woman problems!" Lupin took her by

the hands and then his look turned serious. "The deal's still on if you're not in

league with the guy who's tryin' to deep six me--'cause if you are then it's gonna

be a little problematic!"

"Don't be silly, Lupin...no one's double-crossing anyone."

Jigen smelled a bare-faced lie and came up from behind Fujiko.

"Hey, look what we got here!" he burst, suddenly grabbing Fujiko by the

arm with his large, rough hands. He spied something concealed in the

top part of her dress. "A bottle! Just like it always is, boss, she was gonna

cram this down your throat like the fuckin' jezebel that she is!"

Fujiko wrested herself away from JIgen's grip, scowled, smirked, and laughed,

"Really, Jigen, jezebel? I knew you were crusty, but now you're just archaic.

Do me a favor and rot in a nursing home."

While Jigen fumed, Lupin grabbed the bottle, sniffed it, flashed with wickedness,

and put it up to Fujiko.

"Well, it's only fair, Fuji-cakes--go ahead and swallow that sucker! Heehheeehheeh!

Bottoms up!"

Fujiko protested incoherently as the bottle and the liquid in it muffled her cries and

poured it down. The three men formed a half ring around her, waiting, watching...

The woman turned a little red under the eyes and almost hiccuped--but no, she was

too classy for that. She flicked a hair from her forehead and looked at it quizzically.

"It..it was supposed to..."

"Supposed to what? Poison me? Fry my guts? Give me diarrhea?" Lupin asked with a dangerous

edge in his voice.

"It was just a knock-out formula--nothing special," she admitted, and took another drink of what was

apparently wine.

"Huh. Looks like she switched the bottle or somethin'. Ah, fuck, don't drink the whole thing!"

"Yeah! Backstabbing me backfired on you, so lets toast serendipity, okay guys?" Lupin somehow

had a few glasses on him and poured each of them a round.

"Are you sure the formula did not settle in the dregs of the beverage?" Goemon asked, his small eyes

gleaming with distrust.

"Well, if it is, you can have the last of it, Fujiko!" Lupin laughed semi-heartily, semi-maliciously, and

poured the last of the wine into the woman's glass.

Toasting, they drank their glasses at the same time.

"Mm...hey, as much as I hate to say it, you do have swell taste in wine, broad."

"This flavor is luscious."

"That's strange... The formula must have dissolved! None of us have capsized yet."

"Sonofabitch!" Lupin's high voice scraped against the cold air, warmed a little

by the wine. Jigen looked up from his glass with a "hunh?" and he shouted, "Lupin,

where the hell are you going?" to his retreating form. Inexplicably he started to run,

grabbing his chest with one hand, as he made his way unusually haphazardly to

the main chamber. Jigen, Goemon, and Fujiko went after him in alarm, only to be slammed

back by an overwhelming force.

"Lupin! You alright, man?!" grunted Jigen, his hand on the throbbing

bump on the back of his head. Goemon, having hit his temple on the

rock, had gone completely unconscious. His sword lay fallen at his side,

partly exposed from its sheath. Fujiko had struggled up and held her head,

still aching from getting thrown to the ground.

"Could it be..that it wasn't stun juice in that bottle?"

"No shit!" yelled Jigen, hurling himself towards where boss was and

meeting with the same result. "Gragh!" He rubbed his side with a wince.

"Must be somethin' in that wine, but whatever it is, it's only affecting him."

Lupin was now in the chamber where all the treasure lay, but even that seemed

secondary now as their head was now shrieking like--I don't know what--

flailing, in a rage.

_What the fuck--?! There's smoke comin' out of him..! And that's no barbeque,_

_he's burning--was it friggin' acid? No, it couldn't be, 'cause Goemon_

_and the broad and I are just fine. _

You tell it straight--no bullshit--" He took his Magnum from his holster and

aimed it at the woman, with unapologetic coldness. "What the fuck did you put

in that sauce?"

"I already told you, Jigen, it's knock-out juice. I swear I wasn't trying to set

his insides on fire--you drank the same thing too--I don't know anything

about the assassin...!"

"Easy for you to say that with a gun at your head."

"JIgen!! You idiot, will ya listen to the girl?!"

He could hear his partner's voice right behind his head, that felt deathly cold. He

dropped the gun and whirled around, only to catch sight of something that

made his brown skin turn to chalk. Fujiko had stopped protesting, and

her normally confident features were drawn with terror.

"Lupin..?"

It was Lupin, or it looked enough like him so you couldn't mistake him for

something else. Smoke was still rising from his chest, the air was thick

with burning organs, and with something else that made bile bubble in'

Fujiko's throat. The man that she had constantly loved and left was before

her, his familiar monkeyish shape, his full head of hair, the familiar outline

of his nose and lips that had caressed her so often--but his skin, instead of

just normally pale, was dead white--he was gaunt, shadows had left deep

hollows under his eyes, that were a blinding red. His furry, rounded

hands were the same furry and rounded, but the deadness of the skin and

the unnatural cold that stabbed through her as Lupin laid his hand on

her face made her cry out and struggle against him.

"Fujiko, c'mon! It's--still--me!" Lupin--instead of squeaking, he rasped a

snarl, forcing himself to stand on one leg, still obscured by the cloud of

smoke leaping painfully out of his chest. Fujiko still was at arm's length,

gaping in horror at Lupin's open mouth and the sharp, predatory incisors

protruding from his gums. He doubled over again from whatever was

smoking in his chest.

Everything in his field of vision was a vague white, Jigen's dark clothes

were the only thing dark enough to see.

_Damnit...that assassin got me good! He knew I'd come out here in midday,_

_that when I started changing, I'd run away from the guys and into the _

_vault! Clever bastard..!_

He caught the scent of metal aside from the silver burning a hole in his gut.

"Jigen!! Man, don't do it!" Lupin implored, his look turning menacing as he

smelled the blood. "It's me, damnit!!"

"Try as you might, your associates know when they've seen a monster."

Lupin frantically whirled his gaze around the gold-filled chamber, sighting

a black figure, his face obscured by his day-blindness--but it didn't matter.

He knew without hesitation who the guy was.

"So you're--the self-righteous dickhead that's gonna--kill me, huh?" Lupin

struggled to his feet and managed to drag himself a couple of steps, crushing

the pebbles on the ground.

"I am only here to rid the world of an incorrigible liar not to mention a monster.

You lied to your friends about what you truly are...after that, how can they

possibly trust you?"

"Jigen..Fujiko! I'm the same guy, aren't I? C'mon, you know me! Are you gonna

listen to this half-baked evangelist?"

Jigen maintained his gun on the target, unflinching and unmoved. Until, anyway..

"Look, if I really wasn't the same guy, would I go through all that trouble to

win that friggin' pink puppet for you down at the midway in Rouen?"

Jigen's stone features softened somewhat, but he kept his firearm

aimed at Lupin's smoking figure.

"That's not good enough! You never said when you were turned--maybe

you were still human then, I don't know how this shit works..!" he growled

between his teeth. Man, did he need a smoke right now.

"Turned? I was born a horny, bloodsucking parasite!" Lupin managed to laugh weakly, sweating

red bullets.

Jigen took his weapon off his initial target and aimed it at the assassin.

_If he really wasn't Lupin anymore, he wouldn't be so damn obnoxious anymore. _

"That is just what the devil wants you to think! He maintains his jovial demeanor

because it is a facade! He intends to keep your confidence, but he only wishes

death upon you all...especially you, my dear."

"I think it's time that you shut the hell up," Fujiko warned, removing her gun from

the holster strapped to her thigh. She fired the gun but heard the disconcerting

sound of a ricochet--and the burn in her arm as she felt it burrow through her.

"Fujiko...!!" He turned with death in his eyes to the black shape and fired off his

Walther. The bullet flew what should have been straight into his enemy's heart,

but it rocketed back and into the barrier, falling innocuously on the ground.

He headed to her scent, falling, the hole in his gut burning wider and wider.

The smell of blood got stronger. "Fujiko!"

"Lupin..." the other was hoarse as she pushed with futility against the barrier.

"kill that bastard...he tricked me...he's going to pay for that."

Lupin nodded at the sound of the voice, rushed towards his partners and hit

a wall of air painfully as if he had come upon a solid wall.

"Damnit, a barrier! There's nothing that's gonna bring this puppy down except

for...hey, Goemon!"

"..."

"It's no use, boss, he's conked out. Hey, Goemon! Rise and shine!" Jigen planted a

kick in the samurai's side, got down and shook him urgently. "Goemon!" He

casually stuck his finger in his ear to drown out the assassin's incessant ranting.

"Goemon!" he yelled again, rubbed his beard, grinned broadly, and announced,

"Alright, people, Goemon's not gonna wake up anytime soon, 'cause the air flow

or whatever's stopped and he needs a little mouth-to-mouth!"

Goemon snapped awake.

"Don't you dare...your latent lung cancer will surely spread to me!"

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just getting you back for that other time, sailor boy. Heh."

"Hey, Goemon! We could use a lot more room over here! I'm feeling so lonely

stuck with this preacher guy!"

The samurai centered himself, shifted his weight, focused, and the barrier crumbled under the

flurry of sword strokes. The assassin stared breathless at the feat, as the

samurai calmly returned Zantetsuken to its simple sheath. It didn't take long for the red-jacketed

thief to fall upon the splotches of blood on the ground and attack it ravenously, causing Fujiko

to turn a little green.

"Lupin, that's disgusting..."

"And you don't even wanna know the symbolic implications of that!" he laughed, the color back in

his skin as he undid his tie, and bound up her wound with it. He couldn't see her at all, but the

scent was enough to guide him to the bullet wound. She instinctively flinched at the

inhuman cold, the scent of death that hung on him like beer to an alcoholic. "Now--where were

we?" Lupin turned to face the black figure, the rest of his gang with their weapons drawn.

"Why choose the company of an abomination if you are all human? You have a chance for

eternal salvation--why choose damnation when you are so close?" demanded the assassin,

the despairing note in his voice contrasting with his apparent steadfastness. "Unless...yes,

I can sense it--only one of you is. That gives sufficient grounds to destroy you all. And even

if you were worthy, you still act as a shield for this creature. You let him become your master."

"Master? Lupin? Heh. Don't make me laugh. But that's pretty damn hard 'cause you're about

as funny as herpes." Just before either JIgen, Fujiko, or Lupin could release a round from their

weapons, or Goemon could split him in two, the assassin just answered with a bland malicious

chuckle. The cold chamber shot up in temperature to a stifling heat, and a drop of liquid metal

landed on Goemon's sandaled foot. He expected it to scald, but surprisingly, it was cold.

It was also not gold. Lupin's red eyes widened as the mountains of the gold that his family plundered turned

into liquid silver, and underneath him puddles spread and flooded towards him with

unrelenting speed.

A/N: Yay, this is fun! Next chapter it gets really bizarre!


	8. Moonrise

Legal Stuff: Lupin, Jigen, Goemon, and Fujiko belong to Monkey Punch.

Final chapter! I think..this chapter is heavily inspired by Mikhail Bulgakov's

Master and Margarita. : ) So if this one gets weird, blame him, that's why.

8/14/08

Master of Disguise

by Blue9Tiger

8: Moonrise

Bllblbblbblblb. The cold silver dribbled over the cracks in the rocky ground,

and the shiny liquid deepened as Lupin found himself reeling back to avoid

the deadly silver. He sighted the exit, the comforting patch of darkness--no way,

it was already blocked my the silver bath. Not fully restored from the burn

earlier, he stayed the rising mass of liquid, but it stormed in fury just under

his control.

"Hey, guys, get outta here! There's gonna be a small ocean in here

really soon!"

"Get out--where?!"

"There's a door going to the third floor somewhere on that wall!

You got twenty seconds!"

"Somewhere? Just love how you're so specific, Lupin." Jigen

clambered up a ledge--thank Christ it wasn't recessed in the wall--

He got to the top, scraping his hat on the ceiling, panting, and started feeling for the door.

Goemon and Fujiko had reached the same ledge and were scaling it the former

biting his sheathed sword in his teeth. "Lessee...the door's gotta be here...Goemon,

why don'tcha make yourself useful?"

Twitching, the samurai burst into a violent shout and sliced apart

the wall. Lupin broke his hold on the silver and it cascaded upwards.

He dodged the eruptions of molten silver, but only barely.

"Son of a bitch's a fast one!" He could hear the assassin laughing from

wherever he was--somewhere safe upstairs. "Goddamnit...he friggin'

turned gold into silver! I'd be impressed if I wasn't running for my life

right now! Lets hope Goemon didn't make a door..."

He scrunched up his face and leaped for the wall, scaling it with inhuman

speed. He slid through the opening, the rising silver lapping at his heels.

It burst through the opening that was only feet away from the true door

and lunged up the stairs. Lupin caught up with the rest of them halfway

up the stairs. Jigen was heaving, practically coughing up a lung. Goemon

whirled to the face the onslaught and sliced through the silver sea, only

for it to reform, rejoin the stampede, and roar ever closer to them.

"Hey Fujiko, Jigen, Goemon?" Lupin asked in their directions, apparently

not panting or gasping for air--probably because he wasn't breathing.

"What, boss?! This is kind of a bad time!"

Fujiko grunted as she scraped her freshly-bandaged wound against the

wall. She stopped for air as the roaring ocean was just behind her,

ready to smother them.

"I have a great idea! Lets play ring-around-the-rosey!" Lupin suggested, manic

alarm in his voice as he grabbed Fujiko by the hand and flung her to

the top of the stairs.

"You're fucking kiddin' me--have you completely lost it?" coughed Jigen as he

made it to the top of the stairs. Nothing. Just a wall with a big fat stone column in

the middle.

"You mean you don't remember?" Lupin asked with a fanged grin and his

red eyes blinking like blooming roses. "Ring around the rosey--" he began

to sing off-key--maybe it was on purpose.

"I understand," Goemon declared. He smiled, closed his eyes in satisfaction,

and clasped his partner's hand. Fujiko stared, half-hurt from getting thrown

onto the rough ground, half-terrified at the silver rushing up to meet her.

Not even knowing why she grabbed the insane man's other hand and Jigen

threw up his hands and grabbed the remaining one.

"Bye-bye!" Lupin cheerfully burst as he leaped headlong into the wall of the

column. Jigen's "what the fuck?!" was muffled as he too vanished into the

column, and Goemon and Fujiko disappeared into the wall just as the

wall of silver crashed against the inner wall of the Hollow Needle.

The museum-goers looked up at the sun-streaked sky, the happy orange

orb burning down on them.

"Was that thunder? There isn't a cloud in the sky!"

--

Fujiko felt more uncomfortable than she ever had felt enduring a grope from

one of the dirty old horndogs that she had time and time again suckered.

Shewasinawall. She could see all the grains and tiny pebbles and

big boulders that the column was made of. She felt as if she was

underwater--except that it was a solid wall--and she wasn't swimming--

she was being forcibly squeezed through. She felt as if her head was

being crushed, pulled, warped in every way.

_Ugh..I don't know if I should thank him for saving my life or kill him _

_for pulling me through the damn wall--not to mention if that old geezer wasn't _

_trying to kill him, we would still have that treasure--!_

She clung tighter to the cold dead hand that was pulling her across

what had to be the worst drug trip that she never had. Another crunch of

the wall. Worse than a migraine. _Will we even make it to the other side? _

Dread of imminent death broke to the surface of her consciousness.

_Maybe some things are more important than money. I wonder what_

_would happen if I let go. _Inwardly she shuddered. _I'm not crazy enough to_

_find out. _

She realized what it was that she valued most.

_Even after what I put him through..though he's silly, unsophisticated--just _

_a dirty monkey...he's my dirty monkey. That's dead. Do I love a corpse?_

_Somehow that only seems like a minor setback. _

"Just a little farther, guys1 Remember, always use the buddy system! Or you'll

get stuck in the wall. Heehheeh!"

The master thief's chimp-like laugh echoed in the wall, that started to thin out--

beyond were slivers of black. Fujiko felt solid again as they emerged on the

other side--skin, hair, and the wound that still throbbed in her arm, not to mention

the bruise on her back from landing on the top of the stairs.

"Everyone here? Thanks for riding Lupin Air!"

"Yep, nice to be alive. So where the friggin' hell are we?" Jigen asked. He looked around in the pitch-black

field, felt the wind on his beard, realized he was standing in plants, groaned an "eegh",

reached for a cigarette, and swore when he couldn't find one.

"You're in a special dimension where it's always night! It's been the Lupin family's best-kept

secret since 1899, give or take fifty years!" Lupin leaned a hand on the wall--which upon

closer examination, was air, not rock. "It's a cure-all for that nasty old coffin thing--just pop

into here and you're like new, no matter what kind of thing-that-goes-bump-in-the-night you

are!"

Jigen and Goemon breathed in the night air, and the former who had been fidgeting for

the past minute, craving a cigarette, looked suddenly serene.

"You're right, Lupin, this place is swell. So how come you didn't show us this place before?"

asked Jigen, making himself comfortable on the bed of grass. Goemon sat next to him,

his eyebrows woven in contemplation.

_I feel an intimacy with this place. Quite strange, because I have never been to the Hollow_

_Needle._

"Well, it's 'cause..." Lupin grinned.

"It's because this is a haven for evil spirits. You may have evaded being burnt to death,

but my vow to God cannot be broken. You shall die."

"Sure, just like everyone else! But I've got plans of my own right about now, and you

don't figure in them, pal--so why don't you just take a hike?"

The figure in black shook his head.

"This dimension is pervaded by night, but as long as it is day, evil holds only but

limited sway here." He raised his finger to what would be the ceiling of the Hollow

Needle, and pointed to a crack in the rock wall. With an atonal chant he yanked

the sunlight from outside, flooding the column in sunlight. Lupin stared straight

into it, undaunted.

"Just because you brought it in here--and you're depriving all the people of their

sunlight, you're not very considerate at all, are you?"

"Whatever it takes, I will destroy the servants of the dark prince."

"Trust me, he doesn't even want us near his house!" Lupin answered with a guffaw. "Now I've played

nice, Mr. Hell-Bent-on-Destruction--I mean, you're annoying as hell, but the playing field's so uneven

here it almost seems like overkill! So I'll give you one last chance to go back to Interpol and tell 'em

you've failed."

"Failure is not an option when the order is from God himself."

Lupin frowned, narrowed his eyes, that felt like they were bursting into flame as the relentless human threw a

concentrated beam of light directly into the sockets, as if he held the sun itself in his hand and forced him

to stare at its cruel brilliance. Lupin stumbled back, his eyes burned clear out of his skull. Fujiko put her

hands to her mouth in horror and fell upon him, the assassin standing over him readying another blow.

"Fujiko, stand aside," Goemon ordered suddenly. "You are an adept warrior for a human, but it is clear

that more is needed to defeat this opponent."

"I don't know what the hell you're all talkin' about," muttered Jigen, once again cranky in the daytime glare.

"I warned you!" Lupin sang, suddenly springing up and bashing the assassin in between the legs with his feet.

All the breath went out of the assassin as he hurtled several feet into the invisible wall, an audible crack

resounding through the sky as ribs broke. Lupin got back to standing, bent over in a threatening way.

He started to glow a menacing red, and the flood of daylight shrank once more into a crack, retreating before the shadows

that surrounded him. The darkness completely engulfed the sky in a matter of seconds, and a sliver of moon peered out shyly from the curtain

of clouds. Lupin's eyes had somehow reformed and were staring intently at his enemy, gleaming in a malice

that was playful and grave at the same time.

Jigen grew once again calm in the bath of shadows, and he breathed a relaxed sigh as the moon hung there,

first hungry, then fatter, and brighter--he and Goemon were bathed in the light of the full moon--and Fujiko,

still standing, her magazine-less gun still at the ready but gradually fell as she witnessed something too

bizarre for words.

Gone was the snarky gunman and the noble, if not stiff samurai--JIgen's hair had engulfed his body, his

frame had shrank, and his ears had migrated to the top of his head and his nose at the end of huge snout

and his eyes had brightened to a fierce golden. He had grown a tail and had gone to standing on four legs

instead of two.

_Hm...that's an improvement over the usual, _Fujiko thought with a mix of horror and amazement.

The samurai had not lost his two legs, but his robe had shredded to give room to a pair of flowing

wings--one white, and the other black. His eyes were burning with some kind of unholy light--if

one believed those kind of things--he looked like a heretic cast out of heaven.

"At last, you reveal your true forms. But even if hell's gate opened right beneath me--"

"Shouldn'tve jinxed it..!"

Lupin's voice resounded as if detached from his body, that was brimming with a sinister aura,

as if engulfed with a black fire. The assassin found himself surrounded by an array of

laughing mouths and wagging tongues, glowing with madness as they circled him in a

cracked ring. And they laughed without cease, a chorus of the damned, not wailing, punished,

but triumphant, content in their hell, free.."What's the matter? You do know that one suffers most

in the mind, right?" They laughed, high-pitched cackles, that weren't just in his ears, but seeping

into his brain, so that he had no peace, he had no respite, they ran together into one endless

carousel of evil joy.

A stab of pain flared in his leg as the wolf buried his teeth in the human's ankle, holding him there. The

angel cut him down without a sound. He fell on the plants and moved no more. Fujiko stared wide-eyed

at the corpse. Just before Goemon--or the thing that was Goemon--had delivered the final blow,

the assassin had been screaming his head off at nothing but the peaceful night sky.

"Lupin, what the hell did you do to him?"

"I made him go crazy! Hee!" Lupin made an "okay" sign with his fingers.

"Hmph. You don't need to be a vampire to do that," declared Fujiko, putting her

hands on her hips. "Why did you have you hide it from me anyway? You're just as

unattractive either way."

Lupin pouted and he slumped his shoulders. He tried the puppy-eyed look but

the woman was looking in the other direction, crossing her arms. "Don't do that,

it's practically necrophilia." Gravity replaced his usual lightness and he took her

by the hand in ernest.

"This is why I didn't tell you, Fujiko. Ya see I like being around humans--I guess

I'm just screwed up in the head--but I found out early on that if you wanna live

with humans, you've got to act like them--yeah, well, sorry, guys," Lupin laughed.

"But I found in this case, you've gotta fool your friends to actually be friends

with 'em."

"That is the absolute drivel and you know it," the thing that was Goemon protested gravely.

"Look at me. I am an angel. I have numerous friends."

"Goemon..you're naked! And even as a human, you barely conceal it!"

"So?"

"Yeah...call me an idiot or whatever! I still like humans!" He smiled--surprisingly with

earnest at the woman. "But if you ever get tired of the rat race..." His fangs glinted

in the moonlight and he looked hungrily at Fujiko.

The woman had never blushed before in front of Lupin--not unless it was an act,

and the slight shade of pink on her cheeks made her feel quite like a child.

She had readily accepted an offer of immortality before, from Mamo ie. zombie

Mozart, on the condition that she would only accept it if Lupin did also.

_Immortality is eternal youth..but that's only part of it. Would I accept the whole_

_package deal: dying to feel young again? He said earlier that it wasn't_

_forever. Is it worth turning into some kind of monster?_

Jigen whimpered and began to scratch the invisible wall, that had begun to

fade from view. The night started to warp and shrink--and this time not

from any outside force.

"What is happening?"

"Damnit, when that freak let the light in it made the whole damn thing unstable!

I don't think it's gonna last much longer!"

"Then we must leave..."

"No go, 'cause we'll just hit the silver--and now that Jigen's in his furry form, he and I

both will get fried--and as for here, we're technically still right where we were just beyond

that wall--the dimension's vanishing, but--hey, look, it's our old friend Mr. Column! Say

hi everyone!" Lupin waved, as the absolute night rent into pieces, revealing the familiar

rock wall with the crack of light peeping in. Jigen's lupine frame grew into a human one,

with the hair only on his chin and back of his hands, and wherever else it was under his suit.

He looked completely confused from under his hat, held his head, that was throbbing for some

reason, and groaned something incomprehensible.

"Whathrerrghghrghrph?"

Goemon stood unmoving as his eyes returned to its black hue and his clothes restricted him

once again. Inexplicably, his features were wracked with disappointment. So gloomy was he

that the samurai cut the ceiling, bringing down a boulder crashing down into the middle of

the room, sending of a cloud of dust climbing through the air.

"Whoa, take it easy, Goemon!"

The sun flooded into the eye of the Hollow Needle. The four thieves sat on the very top

of the rock formation, Lupin staring towards the horizon, Jigen finding a straw somewhere

and chewing on it in place of his tobacco, Goemon rigidly serene with his sword at his

side, and Fujiko whispering promises of love in Lupin's ear.

_Is she gonna say it? Will she give me the green light?_

But it was just the usual. Profits, the next heist, you blew the last one,

always about money.

_Damnit..she'll bare it all for one crummy jewel, but good luck getting to her heart! _

Lupin stuffed his chin in his palm and blinked his red eyes. He smiled. _I guess that's_

_why I'm crazy for her. Funny--even I've met my match as a master of disguise. _The idea

of finding an equal somehow excited him--not unlike a certain vampire in an obnoxious

red hat.

They continued wearing their respective masks, neither saying too much, always

hiding whatever had remained unsaid with banter, triviality, the mundane, whatever could

dissemble the truth. Jigen smirked. He hated Fujiko, he loathed her from the core of his

being, but knew the two were just dancing around each other.

"Hmph. Wish he'd just bite her, bang her, and get it over with," JIgen muttered crudely,

facing the other way and laid out on his side.

He, the misogynist gentleman, was another enigma, but lets save that for another time.

Goemon shut his eyes, remembering a kernel of wisdom that suddenly surfaced to the top

of his mind--not unlike a bubble.

"Jigen, if it is full moon tonight, and it is one of those full moons, all facades will be torn away,

and all will speak what is truly in their soul."

"Yeah, you wish," Jigen snored off lazily, the straw hanging from his lips. Lupin was already

eagerly planning the next heist, Goemon's brow had already darkened from irritation, and

Fujiko was already planning an unbelievably uneven take.

The jolly moon crept thievishly into the sky, winking at the vampire, wolf, fallen angel, and lone

human, briefly perched atop the Hollow Needle before they vanished into the shadows.

No hidden truths had been revealed, no one had been redeemed, no one had gotten laid.

But it was still a beautiful night.

A/N: Yay, it's done! And a lot more bizarre than I had intended. I hope you liked it!


End file.
